thought drivels
i'll write down little thoughts, that'll come and go throughout my day, my life. if i do not catch them in their ripeness on a little scrap of paper, or a little easily destroyable note on my phone.

September
the less we come to appreciate nature, the less we appreciate god. urban living will probably result in spiritual suicide.

do I save my own life billions of times every time I drive? every split second I don't decide to veer the car into oncoming traffic, I am saving both my own life and everyone who is with me. I have saved one million plus lives (1 x 1,000,000 = 1,000,000). crazy!

I'd like to go to public areas and just pick up trash. everywhere you look there is so much litter and junk from careless people. this is not for environmental reasons really, I just think we oughta put more effect communally into maintaining public areas. if we can't respect the places we use, why respect anything. its hypocritical to trim your eyebrows then throw your empty drink into the streets you use everyday.

is it worth it to collect so much cut shrubbery and little branches, wait for it to dry out then burn it? it all goes up pretty quickly and is very smoky. I guess if you have mass amounts of it stored up then it can be a novelty of sorts.

the architecture is so modern. they subjectified artistic expression to make it all easier to make. its all squared and optimized to fit our society of creation and absorption. We are like a dirty sponge that keeps soaking up and squishing tainted water out, thirsting for more. we keep finding quicker and easier ways to soak up water.

we keep progressing mindlessly, finding easier ways to bypass the consequences of our sin that God has given us. this makes us blind to the fact that we are bad, we don't see any meaning behind our sin. we can isolate ourselves in our own little world and falsely 'escape' from all the troubles of this life, the only true way out is with Christ.

when I was a young lad, I would always grow my fingernails long and hated the feeling of having them short. I have seen a complete 180 as I've grown up, now the second my nails grow a little too long, I feel an intense need to cut them short. its almost scary how much we change in the span of a few years, all of our cells die and replace themselves every 5 years, meaning that the body you had 5 years ago is completely gone, you are now a different person. foods we all hate or love when we were young become foods we love or hate respectively as we grow up. it's such a sheer reminder of how temporary our physical being in this state is, it is mad decay. our memories remain, somehow, though distorted throughout the passage of time, after long enough, we cannot trust our own recounts.

July
I will not be a slave to indulgences that eat away at both my livelihood and my wealth but I also will not be a slave to the greed of mindless conservation for the sake of conservation. I wish to be content in my action but not destroyed from meaningless asceticism, maintaining the idea of purpose in my decisions.

I have and will continue to spend so much of my time seeing how to save and make my money in order to spend it on bigger things, a family, a home. But beyond that, what is the point? For enjoyment? Will I have to simply abandon my rules for money when the purpose for doing so is no longer applicable? What's the point of working for money that is only meant to be wasted by your own boredom. I picture a man in retirement, returning to work to escape the boredom from the retirement he spent his whole life looking forward to. Are all his toils merely for self gain? I want to have realistic goals set so that when I achieve those goals in the next few decades, I can not worry about money so much and simply sustain my being until it stops.

What I am trying to do is to find the lowest possible ratio of money to enjoyment in life and with that, enforcing humility and seeing all the luxaries that we could easily go without. To see the bare minimum that we can go by on.

the corporation wishes to reduce us to our most sinful and needy behaviors, showing constant dependence towards every service they provide, and unwilling to find alternatives through our own labour. a religion of unending dependence and consumption.